When I  found out I was going to be a first time Mom of twins in my forties, I was elated, shocked and scared all at the same time. Millions of questions went through my mind. How would I handle two kids at the same time, with, no previous experience! Life has a way of working things out. We faced each stage one by one, bottles, toddlers, toys, bicycles, camps, learning to swim, the tween years, and now, teenagers!

mom and cubsI felt so awkward within myself when my kids were younger. Like I just didn’t fit in anywhere. I was the oldest  Mom at the school. I was the oldest Mom at the parties, blah, blah, blah. I felt like people were wondering, was I Mom or Grandma! I suppose just like kids go through those uncomfortable stages in their lives, I went through mine too. My confidence as a Mother came to me little by little, as I went from my forties to my fifties.

Fast forward 14 years!  I’m now that fierce, middle-aged Mom I always wished to be, to an awesome son and daughter. So what changed? Did I become fierce by way of earning those daily battle scars, one by one? Did my kids grant me some of that confidence by telling me they love me unconditionally? Or is it that middle age freedom that has granted me this new sense of confidence?

I don’t know what it is, but I sure don’t want to go back to the days where I questioned so many things as a Mother. I have moved to the front of the line and I’m holding my place firmly now. It feels good, it feels right. Yes, the years are flying by. Yes I just recently went through a midlife divorce, but at last, I’m learning to feel comfortable with my choices, and I cherish the time I’m given to spend with my kids.

I’m standing tall in my fierceness, and I’m not giving into the doubt.  I’m  giving my kids the best of me, and in return I’ve gained so much love and respect from both of them. I just hope I can maintain this level of confidence when they both start driving at the same time!


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