Going to the mall can be such a hypnotizing experience for a Mother and a Daughter. What is it? The lights, the constant humming sound in the air, the smell of fresh baked pretzels and cookies, is it my age? Mommies In Orbit used to love to shop at the mall, in the days… BK (before kids). We went shopping for clothes for Dear Daughter, and what did we find? So many skinny jeans, ultra skinny jeans, jeggings the ultimate skinny jeans, stick figure skinny jeans, sparkly skinny jeans, ripped-torn skinny jeans!
Skinny Jeans should come with a warning label declaring that you have a buddy system in place, just in case you get wedged in these things. Designate someone you can trust, a BFF, a Mom…. someone to help you save your legs from lower extremity strangulation. How about some good ole’ boot cut jeans like they wore in the wild west days?
What if cowboys had worn skinny jeans in the old days? Could we have tamed the Wild West? Would we know the beauty of Wyoming and New Mexico? Or would our cowboys be wrangling with their tight skinny jeans instead of driving a herd of cattle to greener pastures? Where would they have stored ammo and pocket knives, survival tools, beef jerky, chewin’ tobacco?
“Henry, can you wait while I grab my purse, I don’t have any room in these darned skinny jeans!”
“Wait, don’t shoot, could you just hold yer horses until I pry my pistol out of these skinny jeans?”
“Just wait a minute there partner, these skinny jeans are just bindin’ me up!”
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| I ain’t wearin’ no skinny jeans! Got a problem with that? |
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| Oh, wait, I’m stuck in my Skinny Jeans, don’t leave me out here!! |
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| I’d rather eat a rattlesnake than wear skinny jeans! |
Do you really think Wild Bill Hickock would be caught dead in skinny jeans? Hell NO! He was quite the frontier man and a gambler, he may have worn his locks long and wavy, but he sure wasn’t gonna snake that 6’2″ manly-man frame into any skinny jeans. Ya got that?
I’m sticking with boot cut, just like my wild west partners. I ain’t wearn’ no skinny jeans and you can bet your gold coins on that!
This post was previously published by Mommies In Orbit in 2011.
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