Christmas Shopping Maniacs!

I guess I’m getting a late start this year with my family’s Christmas shopping.  Seems to be that most of  the stores I venture into are overcrowded with what I’ve termed,  Shopping Maniacs.   I’ve noticed that there are several species, so I’ve identified them and grouped them for easier observation.

• First, there’s the coupon queen who swears she knows just where her digital coupon is on her iPhone. She holds up the line just flicking away at that screen, up and down until I’m ready to grab it from her and show her how to use her damned phone. “Oh and wait, I know I have another one here too!” Go back to your flip phone lady and paper coupons, will ya?

• Then there’s always someone who feels the need to talk loudly and incessantly on their phone about someone’s upcoming surgery.  Not that it makes my trip any better when I have to hear, and loudly about some “Joe” getting their gall bladder ripped out tomorrow. Just kinda ruins the whole HO HO HO thing for me, just saying!

• There are the “groupie ladies” who block the store entrance making plans on when they should meet up and where, after they’ve ravaged the shelves in Target.  Listen, Sisters, I’m just coming in here for kleenex, laundry detergent and maybe some shredded cheese, so move your butts to the side.

• This one really sets my hair on fire, the “loud boot ladies.” How much fregan noise can one person make in a pair of boots?   This is not your typical clomp, clomp, what I’m hearing is deafening, like a siren wailing on a quiet nite. PICK UP YOUR FEET when you walk! We know you’re being fashionable and a movie star, but please……. Besides who the hell needs to wear boots here, the weather has been in the 50’s and 60’s, how ’bout listening to the the flip, flop of a pair of flip flops? I’m having a hot flash here!

• Parking LOTS. These are not racetracks for Minivans and SUV’s, there’s just not enough room. Please PULL IN BETWEEN the lines so boldly painted on the parking lot,  and don’t hang your fat tires over in my space. This makes it nearly impossible to open my door and exit my car. Common courtesy here folks, if you parked crooked, back it up and straighten it out. Thank You in advance!

• Get your peripheral vision checked at your eye doctor. You seem to be under the impression that you are the only one in the entire Mall. There are other people walking side by side with you with bulky packages and believe it or not, there are actually people in front of you and maybe behind you too. We are sick of being clobbered with your bulky packages. BE AWARE of others and check that peripheral vision before you leave your house.

• Any Questions?